Reasons Newlywed Counseling Makes Sense

(From Prepare/Enrich Blog, June 12, 2024)

Premarital counseling is a proven and proactive way to get your marriage off on the right foot. But what happens after the wedding, when you start living the real married life? What do you do when you encounter those first big conflicts or need help navigating issues you never could have foreseen before marriage? It seems like this would be a really good time for another check-in on your relationship – in the form of newlywed counseling.

Every couple is different. Some might feel their newlywed phase ended after a year, while others would say they still feel like newlyweds as their third or fourth anniversary rolls around. So for the sake of this post, let’s define the newlywed phase as the first 2-5 years of marriage. Wherever you fall in this range, one thing is certain: the first few years of marriage can be hard.

Here are 6 big reasons why newlywed counseling makes perfect sense.

You’re not distracted by the wedding.

Most of the time, premarital counseling is done leading up to the wedding. And let’s be honest – the big day can be one heck of a distraction. Counseling sessions can seem like just another thing on the to-do list, heaped in with choosing the menu and finalizing the guest list. Or you might be trying to squeeze sessions into a tight timeframe before your nuptials. Whatever the case, the goal is less about preparing and strengthening your relationship for marriage and more about just getting it done. With newlywed counseling, you no longer have the distraction of the upcoming wedding, and you’re not constrained or rushed to wrap things up by a certain date. You can simply focus on strengthening your marriage.

It’s a great option if you missed out on premarital.

Whether you eloped, got married during COVID, or simply didn’t want to do any premarital counseling at the time, a newlywed version could be just what you’re looking for. It’s still early enough in your marriage that you can nip bad relationship habits in the bud and prevent new ones from setting in. You’ll also reap the long-term benefits of working on those foundational relationship skills.

You’ve started experiencing the realities of married life.

The blissful honeymoon phase has begun to fade, and you’re no longer blinded by that pie-in-the-sky idealism that many engaged couples go through. You might be dealing with some real conflict – maybe you’re surprised by some of the issues that have come up since you’ve gotten married or you’ve experienced the disappointment of unmet expectations. It’s not uncommon for engaged couples to feel like “counseling” isn’t relevant to them – after all, they’re in love and things are going great. But once you’ve gotten a bit more real-life experience under your belt, you’re in a better position to truly listen and learn from your counselor/facilitator.

You might be on the verge of another big transition.

If you’ve been married for a couple of years, you might be staring down some other significant life changes, whether it’s buying a house, starting a family, or relocating for a job. Transitions can be hard on a marriage, but newlywed counseling can give you the tools and preparation you need to navigate this big change smoothly. In the same way you might give the car an inspection and tune up before a big road trip, you can take stock of the different areas of your relationship to avoid any major breakdowns along the way.

It gives you the encouragement you need.

Real talk: the first few years of marriage can be hard. There is often a lot of adjustment for both partners, and that dose of reality served up with those unmet expectations we mentioned earlier can leave you feeling pretty discouraged. Are we doing something wrong? Is our marriage going to last or did we make a mistake? Newlywed counseling can help normalize these feelings and struggles and help you understand that all relationships go through ups and downs. Going through a tough season right now doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck there forever, and newlywed counseling is a great step in ensuring that you aren’t.

It sets a precedent for continuous growth.

Having a relationship that is able to withstand those ups and downs requires ongoing effort and intention – continuing to work on yourselves, your marriage, and the things that contribute to making them the best they can be. Following up premarital counseling with newlywed counseling a couple years later is a great way to hold yourselves accountable and develop the “habit” of putting in this work. You might find yourselves taking an assessment like Prepare/Enrich every couple of years since you did that from the start.

So much preparation goes into the wedding. Premarital counseling is one way to extend some of that effort into your actual marriage. But it shouldn’t end there! We encourage you to think of it as just scratching the surface in terms of what you can do to keep your marriage strong. Newlywed counseling is the logical next step.